


A Fitting End But No Less Terrifying

by aislingdoheanta



Series: Intimate Conversations [15]
Category: Spartacus Series (TV), Spartacus: War of the Damned
Genre: Canon Era Fic, Episode: Victory, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Inner Thoughts Fic, M/M, episode 3.10
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-14
Updated: 2013-04-14
Packaged: 2017-12-08 10:58:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/760569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aislingdoheanta/pseuds/aislingdoheanta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i><b><span class="u">SPOILERS</span></b></i> for finale, "Victory" if you have not seen it. Not MAJOR spoilers though.</p><p>  <i>And that was why they were fighting. They were going into a battle they had no hope in winning to see others to freedom they had long been denied. </i></p><p>  <i>So that all who fell would die as free men and women, not slaves to the Republic. </i></p><p>Nasir's inner turmoil between the warrior preparing for battle and the man terrified of the outcome.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Fitting End But No Less Terrifying

**Author's Note:**

> Nasir's POV of his thoughts immediately following "Comfort In Your Arms" and why and how he's struggling with everything. 
> 
> Also, some of the dialogue may be "off" but I used what I heard and what made the most sense for what I was trying to portray. Apologies.

Nasir followed Agron through the crowd to find Spartacus. His hand gently holding onto Agron's arm. He just needed the contact, the reassurance that they were yet of this world, still together. It was why he had held Agron so tightly in the tent just moments ago. 

It was the first time Nasir was terrified of the outcome, for there was no way for them to win. They were out-numbered and less armed than the Romans. And he held no misconceptions of the horrors that would await anyone who was not lucky enough to fall upon the field of battle. 

Nasir tried to keep the image of Agron nailed and hanging upon cross from his mind. 

He let go of Agron's arm to stand at his side, ready to prove that he was able to fight alongside all the others. 

“You are clear of purpose?” Spartacus asked quietly. 

“Never more so.” Agron steeled his features and looked at Spartacus with a determination Nasir hadn't seen on his face since before he left with Crixus. “Yet Nasir and I should not be among those striking towards mountains.”

Spartacus looked at Agron, confusion and sorrow upon his face. “We've broken words on subject. You cannot fight.”

Nasir looked down at the ground as he interrupted his leader. “He has yet found way,” Nasir said quietly. He looked up at Spartacus, his jaw set as well. “Forged by loving hands.”

Spartacus looked at Nasir before glancing back at Agron. 

“Do no ask my own to remain idle in coming battle,” Agron said quietly. He had a sadness on his face that unsettled Nasir. 

Nasir watched as Spartacus reached for Agron's arm, gently touching the _B_ burned into flesh. He saw Agron swallow and Spartacus smile sadly. Nasir had to look away again. 

“I have borne witness to the fall of many I have called brother,” Spartacus said quietly. 

Nasir's eyes shifted to Agron, needing to keep him in sight to remember that he was yet here. 

“You are the last yet living who stood with me,” Spartacus continued just as softly, “when Batiatus' villa was laid to ruin. You honor me, by standing again at my side in final conflict.”

Agron smiled at hearing Spartacus' words. He looked over at Nasir and tilted his head, asking him to follow him. 

It still pleased Nasir that they no longer needed words to speak for they knew each other so well. 

It was why he had embarked upon finding a way to allow Agron to fight in this battle. He understood his gladiator more than the man knew. He had understood him when he was still just an angry, grieving man from East of the Rhine. He had understood that it was fear of losing Nasir, of not being found worthy of continued company, that caused the flair of jealousy to arise. Nasir had even understood Agron's reasoning for asking him to stay behind while he went to battle with Crixus. It was flawed reason and tore Nasir's heart to watch him walk away, knowing that might be his last time seeing the man he loved. Yet he _understood_ , as much as he wished he had not. 

Just like he understood that Agron was lost without sword in his hand, the only purpose he saw for himself. That was how Agron measured his own worth. It was why he saw himself as lacking in present. 

So Nasir worked in secret with the help of Lugo to forge a shield that would not fall from his grasp and a sword that required no hand to split flesh and draw blood. 

He had been nervous to give it to Agron for he feared the reaction. He knew Agron needed this, needed to continue in battle. Agron would not be content with fleeing to the mountains because he would see it as abandoning his brother, the cause they had fought and lost for. 

Yes, Nasir knew that Agron needed to remain behind, with his brothers, to fight. Just as he knew that Agron would not ask him to remain at his side, though Nasir would as well. He would not allow his gladiator to fight, to fall, without being at his side. They had already gone through that and it had not gone to plan. For Nasir, there was no life without Agron. At least, without knowing whether he lived or died. 

As much as Nasir would remain if Agron did, he also wanted, _needed_ to fight. This rebellion was what had given Nasir purpose—purpose that he had not even realized he desired. It was through Spartacus that he gained a life that he carved out for himself. He had a family here with all these people that cared about him, not because what he could do for them, but because he was _Nasir._

And he was going to fight for himself, for the life he should have been able to live, because he can. Even if it terrified him. He would be a fool to not be frightened of a war that could not be won. But, if he was going to fall, he wanted to go out fighting for everything Spartacus taught him to believe in. 

Though there was a part of Nasir that wished Agron would leave with those going toward mountains so they might yet live. They both knew that these were their remaining days, as was evident by the way they clung to each other after Nasir had given him the shield. They would spend them together. 

But they would both fall as the warriors they were. Agron, the gladiator who took fate back into his own hands. And himself, the slave who was trained by the best to become more than he thought he would be. 

It would be a fitting end. 

Though no less terrifying. 

“My friends, the time of our parting has come,” Spartacus called out. “Know that you will be heavy upon thought when we face Crassus and his legions.”

Nasir felt his heart stop and he had to swallow to rid himself of the fear that jumped to his throat. He shifted towards Agron, wanting nothing more than to once again be in the comfort of his arms. 

Spartacus continued on, the same conviction in his voice. “Many of us will fall.”

Agron's injured hand carefully grabbed Nasir's, holding as tightly as he could. Nasir wanted to scold him for attempting such an act, but it was a welcome relief in the moment and not one Nasir wanted to give up. 

“There remains no strategy or deception that can bend cause of inevitable fate. Yet know that our blood shall purchase needed opportunity for you to gain mountain pass, not snapping jaws of Rome.” Spartacus paused a moment. “They have plagued us with death and misery. Part ways and live free.”

And that was why they were fighting. They were going into a battle they had no hope in winning to see others to freedom they had long been denied. 

So that all who fell would die as free men and women, not slaves to the Republic. 

It was the choice that all had made long ago and the choice he would continue to make. Just as Agron. Nasir rubbed his fingers over the cloth that still bound Agron's wounds as he took a steadying breath. 

If he was to die, he would rather have it be fighting to hold onto his identity as a free man with a man who loved him and would stand beside him until the very end.

**Author's Note:**

> Nasir in this episode was so hard to read because he looked positively terrified at times, like when he threw himself at Agron in the tent, during Agron and Spartacus' conversation, and during Spartacus' speech when he says "Crassus' legions." I wanted to explore his thoughts. 
> 
> A lot of people believe that Nasir only stayed because Agron had. While I agree that Nasir would have been fine leaving for the mountains and Agron staying sealed the deal for him to stay, but I do not think Agron staying to fight was the _only_ reason for him stay as well.
> 
> He is a warrior now and I think his loyalty to Spartacus and all those he had grown to love. 
> 
> I hoped that came across during this fic.


End file.
